How would your life be different if you had more confidence? If you suddenly felt more confidence, but nothing else in your life changed, would that be enough?
There’s no one who would answer yes to this. That’s because confidence on its own is next to useless. Confidence is in reality just a means to an end. It’s a way of bringing the things into your life that you value. These are different for everyone, but I’m sure you can relate to what most guys want: hotter women, a better social circle, and a more exciting lifestyle. Confidence can get you these things, but it isn’t these things.
Our society teaches us the wrong rules about confidence. Through media, movies, and conventional ways of thinking, people learn that once you feel confident, you start to get the things you want in your life. Then when you have these things, you start to be the type of person you really want to be.
This sounds great on the surface. Just be confident and everything you want will come to you. It’s also a great way to market products that are supposed to make us feel better about ourselves. But you’ve probably learned by now that this isn’t how confidence works.
You can’t wait until you feel confident to approach women and hit on them. The ONLY way to feel more confident is to start doing it. Sorry, but there’s no shortcut.
Being confident isn’t about having control over others. It’s about having influence. There will always be factors in an interaction out of your control. But nothing is ever out of your influence, especially when you can shape the situation and environment to your advantage. Confident people have learned specific behavioral skills to shape their environments.
Confident guys know that any time they approach a girl, she could say no. But that doesn’t mean anything. It may be out of their control, but it’s not out of their influence. So they do everything possible to influence the outcome for the best. That’s what confidence is.
What society should really be teaching us is that you start out feeling unconfident. Then you start doing the things you care about, and going after what you want. You fail. Over and over. But slowly, you get better. And over time, you start to learn that you will succeed and achieve what you want. You’ll continue to fail. But you’ll get back up. And eventually you’ll succeed more that you fail. It’s a doing game, not a waiting game. Those are the real rules of confidence.
