From “Troubled Tom”,
We have been dating for four months now. Things were going well for the first two months.
She calls me first, she text me if I didn’t text her. She used to admit she was addicted to me.
Suddenly, she stopped caring, she wasn’t bothered if I didn’t text or call.
I noticed the decline in the relationship. Went on several dates in the last two months. Which was awesome.
Then after that, the next dates were horrible. She insults me jokingly like calling me dummy during our last dates. Complaning unnecessary on irrelevant things.
I text first, and only I call. I try keeping in touch with her because I love her.
I called her recently and she was yelling like we had a quarrel before, ending the call I told her I loved her and her response was “I heard that” and that she wasn’t in a good mood.
I informed her of a date a week earlier. And she cancelled the date all because she was busy.
Now she is planning on rescheduling it. What should I do? is it over?
If it’s over should I keep on checking on her?
Robbie’s Answer:
It’s always important to look at a relationship in terms of investment.
If both parties are investing equally you almost always have a great relationship.
Inevitably, investment tends to fluctuate due to events on either side and when that happens, it’s important how you respond because if you make the wrong move, it can make the situation much worse.
In your situation for example, it seemed like she was investing more at first and you felt in control, but then her investment suddenly decreased and it made you anxious.
The more anxious you got, the more her investment decreased and now you’re sliding down a slippery slope.
You have two options.
- 1. Mirror her behavior. If she doesn’t invest, don’t invest either. This guards against looking needy but it’s also mentally exhausting if you’re in love with her and feels like a game. I would suggest this if maybe there is another guy in the picture or she’s simply an avoidant personality type.
- 2. Tell her that you don’t feel like she’s invested in the relationship to the level you are and it’s not working for you. Don’t blame her or make her wrong, just tell her that you’re not getting what you need out of the relationship and you have to walk away. This takes big balls and will show her that you won’t settle for something that you don’t want. It shows a lot of confidence and it could make he start to invest a hell of a lot more and realize the mistake she was making.
We value things that are scarce. If your love and attention is unconditional, even when she’s showing you she doesn’t feel the same, you will likely get burned.
The worst thing is to continue doing what you’re doing which is allowing her to shit all over you because you’re not respecting yourself and she knows it. This will kill attraction forever.
Wishing you luck…
