It’s simple: develop traits that women find attractive, learn how to show those traits in a socially intelligent way, and build a social lifestyle. That’s how you attract women into your life. It’s how authenticity becomes one of the most attractive traits you can develop.
It’s not about learning tactics and techniques to seduce women. It’s about learning to become someone that women want to meet.
The emotional patterns in your life will dictate the kinds of women you attract. The behaviors you practice regularly will define the kinds of women you meet.
For example, take Steven, a 21 year old college guy who’s been working on his dating life. Now that he understands how to signal attractive behaviors, he’s no longer suffering from the “nice guy syndrome,” and he doesn’t sacrifice his own needs and desires in order to get along with others. But let’s say that underneath his improved social skills, he still has an anxious attachment style (http://www.attachedthebook.com/qa/). He’ll be great at attracting women, but once he starts to develop a relationship, he’ll become way too needy and scare her away.
On some level, the “bad boy” archetype is a result of guys who fear commitment, or on an emotional level, they’re avoidant of longer term romantic bonds. These emotional patterns will shape the kind of women they pursue on an unconscious level. Let’s take another example: Alex is a 31 year old professional who lives in a big city. He’s great with women, and they’re attracted to his elusiveness. If we’re stereotyping, his fear of attachment will attract him to more shallow, superficial women.
Your beliefs and views on what normal relationships look like will affect what you get. If you don’t think something is possible you won’t get it, because you need that underlying emotional belief to be able to pursue specific goals. If you’re deeply convinced that having threesomes with models is normal, you can have that experience. If you believe that all interaction between men and women is a battle of the sexes where someone wins and someone loses, you’ll get adversarial relationships that aren’t very fulfilling.
Your emotional patterns tend to result from your current stage of development in life. Guys who’ve had more life experience and overcome more challenges tend to be more emotionally mature. The difficult emotional challenges we face can turn into learning experiences, or can negatively shape our relationships for decades. The choice is yours.
Reflect on your emotional habits, and how your beliefs about relationships affect the women that end up in your life. What patterns are you creating, and are you getting what you want?
