Have you ever gone out to a bar with the goal of getting a phone number, getting a kiss, getting some action or having great interactions?
If your answer is “no,” then I know you’re a liar! We’ve all been there and you may be wondering, “What’s wrong with doing that?”
When we set a goal and it doesn’t happen, most of us beat ourselves up and decide to try harder next time.
Next time rolls around and since we have decided to try harder, now we’re gonna make the goal even tougher and push ourselves even more.
It doesn’t happen, and we beat ourselves up again.
The problem is not that we suck; the problem is that our goals suck!
Key Point: Your goals must be measurable, and they must be achievable with certainty.
You can approach every woman in the bar or the party, but you can’t set the goal to get a date because you can’t force someone to say yes. This goal is measurable because ‘every woman in the bar’ is measurable, but it’s not achievable with certainty.
You can set the goal to ask five women for dates because you can control it. All you have to do is ask.
When you set your goals on things you can’t control, you set yourself up for failure because you’re leaving your success up to chance.
This is a major mistake guys make that crushes their inner game because it turns into a vicious circle.
You go out to get results, and you don’t get them because you can’t control them. Then you beat yourself up and decide that next time you’re gonna try harder.
Pretty soon you’re having no fun, getting no results, and your confidence starts getting worse.
We continue this pattern for a few weeks, months, maybe even years and eventually, we just can’t take the failure anymore, so we give up and quit.
We can’t control whether or not a woman is gonna give us her number or say yes to a date.
We can’t control if she’s gonna kiss us, and we can’t force an interaction to be good.
Why? Because it takes two to tango.
Here is my goal-setting process:
- Ask yourself what you want.
- See if it’s measurable.
- Determine how realistic it is.
- Make sure it involves fun.
- Make sure it pushes your comfort zone a little but not too much.
Example:
- I want to go out and talk to women.
- Oops, that is not measurable; let’s say five women.
- Is it realistic? Last night I went out and talked to one; five might be too many. Let’s say two instead.
- Is it gonna be fun? It will be fun if they are friendly. Wait, I can’t control if they’re going to be friendly, so that’s a bad goal. What do I want instead? I want to talk to two women, and I want them to like me. I can’t control that either, but I think I’ll feel better if I am honest about that. Okay, so I’m going to approach two women and tell them that I want them to like me. Okay, that sounds like fun!
- Actually, I think two women is slightly too easy; let’s make it three women.
So I went out, approached three groups of women by walking over and saying, “Hey, I don’t know what to say to you, but I want you to like me.”
The first group busted up and said, “HAHA, that is the most honest thing I’ve heard tonight!”
The next group looked at me like I was retarded, and the last group loved me and we talked for 15 minutes.
Are you seeing how it works?
Set yourself up for success rather than failure. If you can control your destiny, you can’t lose.
You simply set a goal, and you go out and make it happen. Nothing builds success more than taking action, getting results, feeling more confident and then repeating the pattern.
It all starts with the goals you set.
