Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. has conducted research that shows how typical humans lie in one out of every five daily interactions. The type of lies we tell isn’t really important. What is important is to consider the ways we can’t help but cushion the truth.
It’s common for guys to only tell parts of the truth, and leave out the less desirable details because they’re afraid of difficult conversations.
So why do we do it? Lies occur for many reasons. Lying by omission, for instance, is often done to spare someone’s feelings from being hurt. Exaggeration and self-protection lies would be done in vain. Gossip, another form of lie, can be seen as cynicism. The important thing to understand is that the more you lie, the less people value your integrity.
Have you ever lied about something major and had to keep coming up with more lies to keep the story going? Yeah, me too. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
Lying puts more strain and weight on your life. Every time you lie, it’s like carrying a rock on your back. Some are pebbles, like lying to your trainer about what you ate that day. Some are boulders, like lying to your boyfriend or girlfriend about your recent encounter with that cute Aussie at the bar last night. The more you lie, the heavier you feel. So how do you lose that weight?
Jumping on opportunities to look cool or high status is one way that guys often lie, and it’s always a losing proposition. When you’re interacting with new women, your only goals should be to meet people and to have fun, NOT to try to look cool or high status. Be honest and show who you are fully, without telling small lies to try to look cool.
Be conscious of your lies. First, have to be honest with yourself. Side benefit: there’s nothing sexier than self-awareness.
First things first, you have to come clean about past lies or hidden truths. The people you’ve lied to may get upset. That’s why you have to bring up the conversation, especially if it is serious. Let them know you lied, tell them that you want to come clean and not hurt them anymore by lying, and let them know what it was.
Being kind is a virtue, but it’s important to be choosy about who you are nice to. Far too often, people tell white lies because they don’t want to hurt other’s feelings, without really considering if it’s someone whose feelings they really need to protect. It’s more advantageous to be selective about who you invest in. If you can successfully tap into your assertive side or even your disagreeable side, you can leave everyone better off by bringing honesty to social interaction.
You will feel lighter, and the person you lied to will have an easier time trusting you knowing that you’re going through this life change. All relationships should be win-win, and the only way to truly accomplish this is by being brutally honest.
