A reader asks: I'm planning out a date with an old casual friend from my hometown, where I've been staying for a few months. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship and looking forward to dating again. Background: I've somewhat had a crush on her. I always had an older brother-sister frame with her. I want to use this harmless coffee to take a step beyond the friendship dynamic. I know I need to do this very smoothly so there is no weirdness and end up creeping her out. What's the best way to do this? You are going about this with the wrong frame of mind. She knows you are both out of … [Read more...]
How do I connect with girls on their level?
A common challenge for guys during the process of developing their conversation skills is that they struggle to connect with girls intellectually. But most of the time, this isn't a challenge they realize they're facing, because it expresses itself in other ways. The most common way it shows up is when guys ask "How do I turn my brain off and talk to girls on their level?" or "How do I connect with girls at parties?" This is something I've always had a natural inclination for. I didn't even realize it was a useful skill until I heard a bunch of other guys lamenting about the challenges of … [Read more...]
Can Hypnosis Get You Laid?
Here’s my interview with hypnotherapist and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner Jonny Dupre on how to form emotional connections with women. PART 1 PART 2 The idea that hypnosis and NLP could be used to attract women first occurred to me when I read The Game in college. One of the more memorable scenes in the book is when Ross Jeffries runs an NLP routine on an unsuspecting waitress. Soon enough, the waitress falls into a trance and admits to Ross that she's attracted to him even though he’s not her type. When I first read the book, I assumed that the … [Read more...]
Why are you turning women off?
A recent study done at the University of Florida looked into the biggest turnoffs in potential romantic partners. The researchers found that deal breakers had a bigger effect on the formation of a romantic or sexual relationship than deal makers. In other words, the most important thing for attraction isn't to be really attractive, it's to not be unattractive. This is why in the Leverage Program we focus on the fundamentals first. Do you know how to dress? Are you in shape? Do you have poor vocal tonality? Fixing this type of problem will get you more gains than working on being … [Read more...]
A Master Networker’s Guide to Building Elite Connections
Guest post by Max, Leverage Program moderator In the Leverage Program, we often advise members to invest in human capital, and here's why: the key to building a social network is to invest in other people. Volunteer your time and say yes to just about everything until you absolutely have no choice but to start being more selective, because you'd be surprised how connected people are. For example, the head of the Boys & Girls Clubs of Boston is one of the Kraft brothers, the owners of the New England Patriots. Volunteering is a great way for anyone to have access to successful people … [Read more...]
Why is it hard to stop chasing girls?
A common piece of advice for men is "don't chase girls." It's good advice, and it's a piece of advice I've given before. And yet, a lot of the advice from beginners is still “how do I get this girl to like me when she doesn’t?” Why is it so hard for beginners to follow? Before we answer that, let’s take a step back. It's crucial to understand that the only lasting method of having women in your life is to first, develop the characteristics that women find attractive, second, learn how to display those characteristics, and third, put yourself in situations where the kind of women you want to … [Read more...]
How to Turn Her on Outside of the Bedroom
If you’ve ever spent any time around a woman, you know the quickest, simplest thing can turn them off like a lightswitch. Just like that, they’re done, from “I love you so much and want to marry you” to “go jump off a cliff, you suck.” If you're single and you're not into commitment, then have a look at the best adult dating sites as they have loads of local women looking to hook-up for casual sex. Just like that they can turn off, but why can’t we turn them on just as quickly? Well, you can. We’re here to tell you the trick. The problem is that most men only try to turn on their women when … [Read more...]
3 Reasons Why You Don’t Do Day Game (even though you know you should) and what you can do about it.
If you’ve been following Inner Confidence, you know that day game is the easiest way to meet high quality women without the hassle of online dating, Tinder, and spending mad cash at bars and clubs. But here’s the thing: If you know about day game, and you still aren’t approaching regularly, odds are that you’re not going to start without making some changes. Here’s why you probably don’t approach: 1. You haven’t reprogrammed the irrational parts of your brain. If you approach 10 girls, 9 reject you, and 1 becomes your girlfriend, you’ll forget about the rejections and whole thing … [Read more...]
Why Your Life Depends On Being Assertive
Like most guys on this journey of self-improvement, one of the hardest things I ever struggled with was overcoming social anxiety. Often I knew how I'd like my life to be different, and I recognized how I'd behave in a world where I had unlimited confidence. Some part of me knew what to do, but anxiety stopped me from doing it. Getting past that anxiety and starting to develop true inner confidence and self-acceptance was tough. And not just tough as in the way our society views hard work, but tough in the way that only comes from challenging who you view yourself as a person. Tough doesn't … [Read more...]
Healthy Eating 101…When You’re A Lazy Fuck
Guest post by Jay, Leverage Program member and resident lazy fuck Let’s be real: you want to have a great body that makes women go crazy, but grocery shopping, healthy eating (which this website here can tell you how to do), and constant cooking sounds like a bitch. It's actual work, and just thinking about it makes me tired. Actually, I’m gonna take a nap right now instead of finishing this article. I’m so fucking sleepy. Wake me up at 3pm. Goodnight. But really, it’s very simple. There are two types of lazy people. 1. Smart lazy people who build a good system and sit on auto pilot … [Read more...]
Why Going to Brazil Made Me Rethink My Life
Guest post by Cory, Leverage Program member I went to Brazil on the Inner Confidence Leverage trip and it changed my life. First, because this is Inner Confidence, I'll talk about the woman of Brazil and my experiences with them. Simply put, I fell in love three times this trip. I met more cooler girls in two weeks in Brazil than during the last year and a half in the states. There are three girls that I am actually upset that I am leaving, and cannot continue the connection that we were able to create. One actually spent most of the day trying to get me to change my flight and stay. All of … [Read more...]
Why You Aren’t Making Enough Mistakes
We all know the cliches about how you fail your way to success, or how you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. It’s common knowledge in our culture that the way you get better at something is by making mistakes. But is it really? A lot of guys don’t realize that they’re looking for dating coach because they’re looking for permission to make mistakes. They might “know” that they need to make mistakes to get better, but they don’t actually believe it. They get a coach because they want someone else to tell them it's ok to mess up. One area where this shows itself is when guys are too … [Read more...]
Why The Stories You’re Telling Yourself Don’t Help
One of the most popular features of the Leverage Program is that guys post writeups of social experiences and interactions they have, and they get feedback from other members and experts in the group. The best way to get systematic step-by-step advice based on what we know works is to be objective. Both when you're looking at your own life and your own interactions, you need to get specific about behaviors. Here's an excerpt from a writeup of a Leverage Program member recalling an interaction while out at a bar: "She then gets mad at me over something stupid (I went out to check on her … [Read more...]
I Don’t Ever Lie
Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. has conducted research that shows how typical humans lie in one out of every five daily interactions. The type of lies we tell isn't really important. What is important is to consider the ways we can’t help but cushion the truth. It’s common for guys to only tell parts of the truth, and leave out the less desirable details because they're afraid of difficult conversations. So why do we do it? Lies occur for many reasons. Lying by omission, for instance, is often done to spare someone's feelings from being hurt. Exaggeration and self-protection lies would be done in … [Read more...]
Why Most Women Think You’re Boring
Guys, you’ve been in this situation before. You meet a girl out at a bar, and she has an adorable accent. You: “Where are you from?” Her: “Norway.” You: “Oh cool. What part of Norway?” Stop doing this. Or what about this one: Her: “I’m from Chicago.” You: “I have a friend who lives in Chicago.” Ugh. Stop doing this too. One more: Her: "I'm a model." You: "What kind of modeling do you do?" Sigh. These are the typical responses that every loser says. You don’t really care what part of Norway she’s from, and you have no real value to add to the conversation once she provides her answer. She … [Read more...]
Little Decisions: What Most People Get Wrong
Being good at making little decisions is more important than being good at making big decisions. Being objective about your decisions is a key contributor to success. In my experience, educated and successful people say the word “objective” three times a day or more. Broke dick hippy fucktard bums say "open minded" 20 times a day. And being objective means recognizing what kinds of decisions you’re making. Some people are good at making big decisions, and some people are good at making little decisions. If you’re good at both, your life is easy. If you’re bad at both, your life is … [Read more...]
What’s Better Than Motivation?
I've found from working with hundreds of clients that motivation is NOT what drives behavior change. Trying to change too many habits at once more often than not leads to failure, discouragement, and not trying again. Habits are more important than discipline or willpower. Our society teaches us to view life improvement in a way that is very black and white. We love all or nothing thinking: either I’m going to stick perfectly to my new diet, or it’s not worth trying. People see anything short of radical life change in every domain as a failure, when in reality, we improve our lives by … [Read more...]
The Hardest Weight To Lose
As a health and fitness coach, I’ve seen tons of people both lose and gain weight. While people come to me for first for health advice, it usually evolves into life advice, because we develop deeper relationships with the people who help us. In so many situations, the advice follows similar patterns, and the best advice I could ever give is to be honest. Be honest with your family, friends, coworkers, social media followers, and acquaintances. But overall, be honest with yourself. Being honest with others can only happen when you're honest with yourself. Most people are too scared to be … [Read more...]
Who You Are Is What You Get
It's simple: develop traits that women find attractive, learn how to show those traits in a socially intelligent way, and build a social lifestyle. That's how you attract women into your life. It's how authenticity becomes one of the most attractive traits you can develop. It's not about learning tactics and techniques to seduce women. It's about learning to become someone that women want to meet. The emotional patterns in your life will dictate the kinds of women you attract. The behaviors you practice regularly will define the kinds of women you meet. For example, take … [Read more...]
Texting: The Fundamentals Of Communicating With Women
It's finally here! The long-awaited video of Robbie Kramer's latest 21 Convention speech is up. … [Read more...]
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