Chode Crystal: A chode crystal is known as a group of guys in their social circle at a bar or club who are too afraid to go over and talk to new people. They crystallize in the same position, not moving with their drink held up to their chest. Kind of like wallflowers. The chode crystals can get pretty big, and it’s a bunch of chode guys just looking in their group where the most entertainment is.
When I first heard this expression from my friend, Monish, I almost died laughing. Is it a bad thing to stand around at a bar with your buddies and just hang out? Of course not! I play in men’s ice hockey league, and we go out every Tuesday night after our game for beers. Do we talk to women? Not usually – it’s just about having a beer with the guys.
But what if you are going out with the intention of meeting women – is it bad to only talk to guys? If you’re having fun and enjoying the conversation, of course not. But the thing that gets guys in trouble is going out, feeling too much anxiety to socialize with the other people at the bar, and only talking amongst friends when you know you would rather be meeting new people.
Women take notice of these chode crystals more then you may think. If they catch you crystallizing with a bunch of other chodes, you will most likely be instantly rejected if you decide to eventually approach them. Chode crystals are like black holes: they suck the energy out of the room. What if you were at a party having fun and you noticed a bunch of guys in the corner watching you with envy? It might make you uncomfortable.
If you notice yourself being sucked into a chode crystal, here is how to escape:
Go tell the people standing next to you that they are in danger of also being sucked into the chode crystal if they stand too close. I would say something like this:
“Hey guys, random question: Do you know what a chode crystal is? It’s a group of dudes who are bored at the bar so they end up standing around pretending to be cool in their own little circle. I want you to know that I am a recovering chode crystalizer and I’m talking to you as part of my 12-step plan to detoxify myself.”
So the next time you find yourself in a chode crystal, get out as soon as you can!
